Unpleasant episodes. Ah, how i dislike thee! They've happened a couple of times before, but i hadn't got any in a while, and today i had to sit down and cry. I had a meltdown.
The full story?
I got a new job. Weeeee! Aren't we happy!? Of course! I got an internship at a product design company. It's a nice job, i get paid, the people are really nice, i learn something new and i work a maximum of 5 hours per day. I started last monday and i'm happy it's friday because i'm exhausted! It's been a rough week, specially since i was used to waking up after 9:30 or 10 every morning and doing just whatever i felt like doing through the day...
Now i go to work, come home, take Lola out to play, come back and leave her here so i can leave again to go to a doctor's appointment, or yoga class (yes, i've started doing yoga!), or i have other appointments, etc. (that's why i haven't been arond lately...) It is of course very tiring and no, i have not been taking Lola with me because we're having some issues with cars and keeping quiet in the metro.
Well, i didn't notice that i was not the only one having a hard time adjusting to all of this.
What do you do with a teenage dog, that is either unchallenged or, really just like normal teenagers, mad at you.
We usually go to a nearby field to play. Normally there are other dogs too, but we haven't seen them this whole week. Normally Lola stays within the bounds of said field and chases crows, digs for mice, or whatever happy dogs do whenever they have the chance. This week she's run away twice! Today she almost got run over by a car... twice! She just doesn't come when i call and if she comes, she does not approach me enough for me to get her and immediately runs off again. It was a nightmare! Me calling her, trying to get close enough to her to get her on the leash again. She running farther away and just moving too fast for me to catch her. She ran on the street and luckily the two cars that drove by were not driving that fast. I think just the look of frustration and worry on my face while i apologized was punishment enough, so they didn't say anything.
When i finally got her i was so relieved and mad at the same time! How do you deal with that!? I mean how do you not yell or get all aggressive? Fortunately i had the way home to calm down. Finally at home i had to let it all out. I sat down and cried and cried and cried... out of anger and worry, but mostly impotence. I really felt so incapable! She didn't react to me in the slightest bit. That's what makes me so sad! I've already told you about my bonding issues and i tought we were doing such a good job and now i realize that we're not!
I know all of this has a solution. I know i can get some extra classes with our dog trainer. But i also know that all of this is very much our own fault: we're not consequent enough, we don't take enough time for her and it just makes me sad, you know... dogs don't need much to be happy and develop normaly, so, why am i failing at this? I know i may be overreacting, but honestly it makes me nervous and it's scary, because it's not so difficult and i can't do it (or at least that's how i feel...)
Ahhh... I can't wait to have children and fail miserably... or not... see! overeactions!
Ok, now that i've shared with you my awfully delirious thoughts, i leave you to enjoy your friday like me: with a cold beer, because i just want to forget all of this ever happened... well maybe one beer won't do the trick, but at least it helped my write this post ;-)
And here's a picture of a very cute Lola, because even if she's insane and pubescent and makes me doubt myself and my ability to take care of another being other than just me... i love her... who wouldn't?